Today I feel the need to vent before appreciating, I know it should be the other way around, just got to get it off my chest...literally...my heart hurts...been crying off and on since yesterday's visit with the dr.  I've been so proud of myself the last 10 days or so for sticking it out on a really low-fat version of the raw food diet (80/10/10). I've lost 10 pounds and started to ride my bike after a 10 year hyatis (sp?). My severe osteo-arthrosis has lessened considerately. I tell the dr. this and all he says is "that's good". He notes my Blood Pressure of 120/80 and then he fills out more paperwork for me to fax to my place of employment for continued extension of temporary disability benefits. I've been doing this every six weeks since Feb. 6, 2012.  this year. Each time the paperwork states " disability due to osteo-arthrosis/arthritis and fibromyalgia. This time I looked at the paperwork before I faxed it yesterday and it stated it " disability due to joint pain from MORBID OBESITY!!!!"  I am not in denial. I am 5 foot 1 or 2 inches and I weigh 210. I should weigh about 125. I need to lose 85 lbs.  I will be happy with 60 lbs. I just don't look in the mirror and see MORBID OBESITY. I see that in many other people at work who weigh 300-400 lbs, but they move faster than me! Perhaps their joints haven't gotten the message yet.

Point being......I have always looked at myself as pleasingly plump. I try to stay positive . I know what negativity can do to you. I read Norman Vincent Peale's 'The Power of Positive Thinking' years ago, and have always had the mindset of a thin person.....just waiting for my body to catch up. Perhaps I should face the cold hard fact that I am MORBIDLY OBESE!!

3 week weigh in and I'm down 17 pounds.

I got some art materials today for 40% off which is a pretty good deal!

The best part is that I felt at home again when I was standing there in the art aisle hugging the sketch pads close to my heart checking out the art supplies. Such a warm feeling!

For awhile there I didn't ever think I would ever feel this way again. I became disconnected from being an artist a long time ago after being a really good artist my whole life.  And now I've chosen in my heart that I would really like to be an artist again. And now becoming my artist self again. I forgot the beautiful feeling and it's good to have it back. The feeling is similar to a very soothing relaxing effect of a lighted candle. This is the best way I can explain it. I'm "home sweet home" again.

 
Soooo taking the time to appreciate this!

<3 & :)

This is just gonna be me journaling from my heart about what I feel that is genuine and good in my everyday life which is "what is up" that makes me the person I am.

I experienced something very special today.

When I was in the kitchen making a raw cake which I was happy with, but really thought the frosting needed some serious tweaking. So I'm at it being experimental doing a bunch of taste test every time I add something new and know that my brain is at work doing a good job. So once I finally did my final taste test, ahh perfect!!! And very impressed how well it turned out and very surprised. It's been a while since I've rolled up my sleeves in the kitchen and be experimental, since I've kept it simple and stuck to my quick easy recipes that I know that taste good.  So I sort of forgot that when I get experimental with raw dishes, it turns out good. 

Something blew me away. My great grandmother has a very unique special touch with food and never really knew till now that I truly have her gift. It's a big deal kind of a blessing to have this. She's the kindest person I ever knew. It's been awhile since I've thought about her. I'm very happy to know this!

This moment inspired me in starting  my journal on here to share my "What Is Up" moments.


<3 & :)

Another year is here 2011
Appreciating 2010
I am here Wondering about me and others
Having faith that all is good
Forgiven past
Learning to be in the now
Casting my worries in God's hands about the future
Stepping out in the world once again with my heart on my sleeves
What do I want to do
What does the good life has in mind for me
What kind of people will I meet in the future
Feeling like I'm on square one again for the hundredth  or a millionth time
It's up to me to venture out and find all kinds of good in this world 
Let me be to see everyone and all things through the eyes of love
To step forward to have courage to let the true inner beauty shine without fear
Hoping that I can be a good friend to each person I meet
And speak only kind words and yet be able to speak the truth
Hoping to find my one true love in this lifetime
I know I'm not perfect I am forgiven because I forgive
All I know is to be the being of love as best as I can is what counts for many more years in my life.

Our Deepest Fear

by Marianne Williamson

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Love is and brings Goodness!!
Love is Everywhere!
Love is in Everyone's Heart!
Love is and brings Gratitude!
Love is and brings Healing!
Love is and brings Wisdom!
Love is the Most Powerful Force in the Universe.
Love is and brings Life!
Love is and brings the Truth!
Love is and brings the Best!
Love is and brings Strong Will!
Love is and brings  Good Mojo!
Love is  a Choice!
Love is and brings Luck!
Love is and brings Abundance!
Love is and brings Peace!
Love is and brings Happiness!
Love is and brings Freedom!
Love is and brings Patience!
Love makes Dreams Come  True!
Love is and brings Kindness!!!
Love is and brings truly All Good Things into our Lives!!
Love is So Much Bigger than What We Believe!!!
Let  the Universe, the World, My World and Your World be over -filled with Everlasting Love!!! 

Peace!!!! XOXOXOX

                                                         The Horizon by Bette

....and she came to sit a while and dangle her feet off the horizon, to enjoy the sunset up close, live life up close, taking it all in, letting all the rest fall over the edge, letting it all go, at least all the things that didnt matter....which was most of it. She hung on to the really important things but not too hard that she might not allow room for the miracles that might come round, well, that were sure to come round, if she didnt seek merely an outcome, fixated on the ending but enjoying it as it is, the middle parts too.

....she swung her feet back anf forth and thought about herself and how she fit into it all....how small she was on that big ol horizon yet she played a part. She made a difference because she has lived, she made a loud shout and lived her life out loud, never squelching who or what she was, refusing to shine so others might be more comfortable around her. No she created a comfort for them in others ways, making them feel loved and important and cared about, not forgetting to do the same for herself however.....

.....and the colors seemed to fade at times while sitting there so she sought to remember, to remember all that she came her to do and BE and her colors were inside if her somewhere..she just needed to look, not too hard but be willing to see, because they are there the whole time. Wondering what clouded that all up for her temporarily....oh yes she knew...it was those voices, yes they are the culprits, the inner ones yes, yet they came after the others spoke, sharing what they thought she "coulda, woulda, shoulda, be doing....or did it come before...her inner voices. Yes she thinks so, lest those fairly new yet very attentively visiting ones even affect her.....yes she had let herself go, as in, left off loving herself a lil. When they showed up it appeared as more evidence of why and how she was faulty and flawed and she scrathed her butt and wondered how this had happened....how had she left off with herself and where? 

 She thought a bit and sposed it was when she lost her job...just a job, any job, didnt matter yet the loss of all that meant to her...ut oh here we go..it meant something....what did it mean? What she made it mean....that she was caring for her own needs and financing her life and she held it all together that way. She had it good. Sooooo hmmmm she said, is it the loss of a job that makes one sad or happy.....she will be happy when....??? ugh

 Be happy right here, right now, swinging her feet off the edge of the world, as the sun was coming up and all the vivid colors came into her shudder....she snapped it quickly so as not to forget, to never forget who she is, what she is doing here, all she came to do......truth is, nothing had changed, she had merely wiped away what was fogging her vision.....now she could really see the horizon and all there was in store for her!
 
The End....the beggining, everything in between she thinks.

"Special"

Unique that we all are. There is not one like you or me.
To embrace how special each one of us are  is letting ourselves truly shine.
To do that is to showing thanks and honoring God for who we are.
We have gifts and treasures within each on of us.
Some are found and some are waiting to be discover.
Amazing things happen when we learn how to trust the Above.
We have so much to learn about life no matter how many years we have seen!
Bless all that you are and the world all that is.
If we ALL  did that everyday, the world would just shine the brightest it can be!
Maybe so bright to a point where it becomes heaven on Earth!
The kingdom of heaven is at hand here on Earth.
That quote comes from the well known book,
You and I are special and loved!!

Hi my name is Ann Carni and I 'm going to share with you just a little bit about myself. Well I was born in Melbourne in the fifties ( so I 'm a babyboomer ) to English parents and I was the only daughter and youngest child. My parents , two brothers and I moved near Sydney when I was two years old .

I had a reasonably good childhood but was very tall for my age , awkward,  painfully shy and didn't have much self confidence. Was told constantly I couldn't do that because I was a girl and girls don't do that so I never did anything adventureous .

When I finished school I went nursing and  have worked as a venepuncturist for a pathology company for 20 years.

Most of my life I have been on yo-yo diets that didn't work and only left me miserable. But then I found the secret to weightloss and have been enjoying this new lifestyle.

I am now very passionate about helping others with weightloss through nutrition as I have observed patients who are obese with a number of health issues. I also will educate people to eat more healthier foods  and choose better lifestyles through exercise and self awareness.

I have been  a raw foodie for only a few months and already can feel and observe the benefits. For one thing I have lost weight and don't feel and look fat and frumpy anymore. Most of the aches and pains in my body have gone and it's amazing how I just want to declutter , clean and decorated my home. 

This is the start of the journey for me  because I feel like I'm evolving into something or someone  else . There is so much to learn about myself and I know it will be painful but healing  but I'll come through it with flying colours I'm sure because I'm a survivor.

                                                                                                          Cheers Ann